Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize