The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
