just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
