Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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