you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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