five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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