don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
