somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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