a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
