He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
