His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
