he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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