I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We have started to decorate penises.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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