everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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