My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this boner is exhausting
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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