You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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