somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
