he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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