butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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