Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
