where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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