Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
