DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
