Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
