do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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