I love black thongs
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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