I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
