Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
