he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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