In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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