so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
