my vag is so smooth its legendary
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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