Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
