I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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