I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
