loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
