i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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