Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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