I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am one with the molecules
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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