my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
