They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
