im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Pooping to opera.
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