Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Someone shit on the floor
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
