He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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