If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
