Im at strip club and am horny
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
foreskin is a definite game changer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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