Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
