There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
