I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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