my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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