I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We are two peas in an std pod
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
