So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
