Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
