Pappa wants mamma naked
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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