he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
