bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Green mimosas i think yes
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
