If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
