Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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