i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
