You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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