His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
