i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
