The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
