Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She told me I should be a condom model.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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