I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
