So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
