Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
