Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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