If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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