she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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