She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
