Your tits are I can't wait for
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
