She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
