My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My balls are so social today.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
