Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
