the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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