Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
