Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
