whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pants are for mortals
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