It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
