it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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