we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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