you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
