If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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