i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
