After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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