He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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