She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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