first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize