I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
