Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
